ASH ON ASS

I have relatives who will never get married. In fact, if I received their wedding invitation, I would choke on my morning cup of ‘uji.’

The closest they got to getting laid is when they once said a simple “hello,” back in lower primary school, while borrowing a pencil from the girl that use to sit next to them in class.

These relatives live in a world of their own. A world in which women do not exist. Or any sexual partners. They are neither gay nor straight.

Sometimes I tend to think they have some other wierd sexual fantasies. Like getting attracted to trees and mountains .

They have dated Mt Kilimanjaro for five years after which they broke up and dated Mt Elgon. They have had evening dates with eucalyptus and slept with acacia shrubs. They are wired differently.

They will go to parties like a normal human being, but while at the parties, they will forget their human form and turn into aliens. You will find them playing video games while the likes of Shiru are dangerously twerking to ‘parte after parte’ right in front of their wide open eyes.

Oh! Most of them are financially stable. So it’s not a question of money. Most of them have pretty faces as well, so it’s not that their faces scare away potential suitors.

And…. most of them are talented. Some are writers and could be the ones writing whatever you are reading right now.

These men are unpredictable. They are people that people do not understand. No one knows what they want with their lives. I bet they too do not know where their lives are headed and they do not care. Ni kama wamerogwa.

According to our tradition, when these people die without wives and kids, their asses get smeared with ash to break the curse. They get buried with ash on ass.

when will people like that get married? To fellow human species and not trees and mountains.

Published by Musyoki, Is Mutuku

life is what you make,live it,enjoy it

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